#like she had a completely different face | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lmaowh-at · 4 months ago

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Lanns n Starks lineups/costumes sketches that I will probably add other houses to. Tywin and Joff & the rest aren't here because I was lazy and Cerseis dress took all of my energy. Don't ask me about inspiration or historical basis for these

#I AM NO FASHION HISTORIAN!!! I ONLY DRAW WHAT I THINK FITS THE VIBE!!!!#the lanns are more or less fitting with each other but the starks are a mess lol #ned is wearing like an every day stark attire ig #cat is more Traditional Tully #for sansa i had absolutely no idea what to do so she doesnt really look connected to neither ned nor cat #her dress is just slavic adjacent. you decide what it is. def not kl or alayne stone eras tho #with robb i wanted to draw completely different armor than i did for jaime so theres both chainmail #AND iron chest plate(s) that look central asian a little lol #arya has her worn out dirty ass riding attire that was given to her by lady smallwood #and jon is nw but i couldnt think of shit so hell be probably getting a seperate post with his costume #all in all this was. something. i dont think im really good at costume design lmao so you can just look at their faces to see my Vision #of everyone there. yea okay thats it #jon snow #eddard stark #catelyn stark #catelyn tully #sansa stark #robb stark #arya stark #house stark #jaime lannister #cersei lannister #tyrion lannister #house lannister #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #🧩

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astranauticus · 5 months ago

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Director of the False Last Act

#orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv spoilers #han sooyoung #art i made #another of the drawings i fished out of my drafts that i completely forgot id started #if the face doesnt look like how i usually draw hsy uh. i apparently did the lineart like 4 months ago #and the way i used to draw her was WAY different #like i had to redo the face cuz i was like man this aint my girl wtf #oh yeah the sort of. watsonian reason why the title of the book shes holding is scrubbed out is bc it could either be twsa or orv i guess #the doylist reason is i couldnt decide between twsa or orv so now its neither LOL #side note but like. intellectually i know the thousand hand guan yin is like an actual thing in buddhism but my familiarity with it is #mostly from the dance move #so like as i was colouring this i was just imagining hsy like creating this pose in universe w the avatars which. one hell of an image #only two of the hands are supposed to represent like specific points in the story the rest are just. symbolic...?#the lemon candy one is obvious and the knife one is meant to be from when she stabs 49!kdj in the epilogue #also holy god im so bad at coming up with backgrounds for this kind of art #the original background i had i think i was trying to make it look like some kind of. book cover...? hence the borders #whatever it was it wasnt working #now i have no idea what its supposed to be 👍 like its giving. poorly designed tarot card

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puppppppppy · 2 years ago

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The garment, worn by those in good standing with Hyrule royalty, has been reworked with the latest improvements, such as a new shoulder guard.

#I miss my wife tails. I miss her a lot. I’ll be back #I love the champions leathers design but the story behind it is so sweet too like. she wanted to thank him so she went and #got some improvements added to it?? and she wanted to see his face when she surprises him with it hello?????#I think my favourite part is the half chest just for angst. I like imagining she was very particular about the armour placements #and had a chest piece added because yknow. right over the heart might I add #originally I wanted this to be more angsty but halfway through I was like wait this would completely miss the point #in my mind the armor isn’t just ‘I don’t want you to die again’ but also ‘I want to keep you safe as best I can’#in her diary she was like links armor is wearing down so you know what? I’m gonna add more armor to better protect him!!!#and with her upbringing in mind (and the conversation she had with him about whether he would still choose to be a knight if things were #different) she could have totally asked him to stop doing it altogether. but she made the armor for him instead #sidenote she also got to be a teacher and scholar like she wanted and that is so. dont look at me I’m crying #I don’t know if ANY of this makes sense I’m just rambling. yes I wear the champions leathers every chance I get why do you ask #btw if you squint the leathers chainmail and sweater are taken from the hylian armor chestpiece! slightly modified on the tunic but cool #my art #myart #tears of the kingdom #totk #totk spoilers #totk zelda #totk link #botw spoilers #botw #breath of the wild #loz #loz fanart #comic #tw blood #blood

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catis15 · 1 month ago

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As someone who is obsessed with the Jurassic Park/World and has a massive crush on Katie McGrath...

I am so fucking disappointed in myself.

HOW DID I NOT KNOW SHE WAS THE BABYSITTER?!?! HOOOOOW

how did I not know?! 😭

#jurrasic park #jurrasic world #katie mcgrath #Supergirl #lena luthor #i still suck at tags #for some reason i remember a completely different actor #like she had a completely different face?!?!#what?!

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coquelicoq · 3 months ago

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i want beniko and yorishima to hang out. i think they'd balance each other out well. antisocial old man and woman who resents a different old man for dying before she could socialize him. yorishima probably knew her grandfather and probably was cranky about his whole youkai friendship situation, which beniko was also cranky about. ultimately beniko has to make her peace with the fact that she avoided her grandfather because she couldn't share his world and that now that he's dead it's too late to reach out to him. yorishima isn't a substitute for her grandfather, but he is a guy who's isolating himself not just from humans who can't see, but also from humans who can see and from youkai. his perspective overlaps with hers in some ways and with hakozaki's in some ways and completely diverges from both in others. i think it would be good for both of them and i would like to see it.

#i also want beniko to hang out with tanuma. though maybe after her grief is a little less fresh. because that will be #emotionally devastating for her probably #like oh here's a guy who made a completely different decision than you when faced with someone who could see things he couldn't see #and is reaping the rewards of the intimacy and friendship that result from that decision #the intimacy that you never had with your grandfather. that you could have had if you had chosen differently #<-is maybe how she would see it though obviously hakozaki and natsume are very different. natsume is trying harder for one thing #natsume's book of friends #my posts #f #natsume yuujinchou #hakozaki arc #yorishima #i'm thinking of this right now because of s07e06 but it's informed by ch 120

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crossbackpoke-check · 11 months ago

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it’s all the rest of what i want with you

connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k

Summary:

“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”

“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.

in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!

#OFFICIAL FIC ANNOUNCEMENT 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ i wish i had pretty fic graphics but alas i have No Skill and also. so much work i should be doing bu #HI SHE’S HERE i would love to say this is a complete surprise drop except i have Anxiety & i needed to ask you guys about it beforehand #in my defense i started writing this in like. january far before any tragedy occurred #because square asked about my tags on their dewey2 art and she spawned like. a million more thoughts about it #including the part where i got absolutely kicked in the face with the lightning vision of those two lines.#like those two lines are the first actual lines of the fic i wrote ajdhkwdiowdjiw ANYWAY please be nice to me i know i am always like #‘this is not the first real fic i ever thought i’d post’ and if i had a nickel i’d have three but this is the first pwp i’ve ever posted #and it’s 8k and it’s not a fic for an exchange (although technically i did very much write this for the dewey^2 hivemind so.)#i have SO many things to say i have so many comments on this doc also i couldn’t pick a title for the LONGEST time and i finally decided on #this one but the full quote was too long:#all the rest of what i want with you that scares me shitless #so. i was angling SO hard to make a yung gravy lyric as a title bc i saw the video of him at a wild game but i couldn’t find a good one #and instead y’all got a very sentimental title l m a o.#liv in the replies #shout out to the extended universe this lives in and also my unhinged comments in the docs.#if you liked fun fuck a baby in him friday i’ll be here all week i promise i am the exact same in the comments as i am in the tags 🫡#the NUMBER of times i wrote something in this by pulling it out of my ass and then actually went back and did the research & was RIGHT is.#far too high. also the amount of coincidental things that dropped while i was writing this (yung gravy song about pregnancy AFTER i wheeze #laughed myself into a yung gravy title the athletic player poll confirming my restaurant & bar choices from googling ‘st. paul good bars’…)#also if anybody got advice on formatting for these little announcements. help. this is different from my miro/luka one &i’m still not happy

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dootplusone · 1 year ago

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(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

(If the OP would prefer this post not link back to the OG post or is otherwise is not okay w/ this post in reference to theirs, please let me know in some form so I can delete/edit it as needed.)

Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?

For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.

A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.

And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)

Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."

And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.

...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.

In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.

#leonard bones mccoy #star trek tos #star trek aos #whump #back on my bullshit #aos bones fretting over Jim and Spock and their injuries; completely forgetting that hes also a little worse for wear #thinking back to dustykneed's post abt him being fucked up and grieving after ST:ID and. Lets just make it even more physical #After the issues they face from that; Spirk are more aware of Bones' tendency to brush things off. are more equipped to take care of him #when he needs it; just as he does for them. He's so stubbornly self sufficient and it worries them. But they're equally as stubborn and #loving. Unstoppable Force meets Immovable Object. I feel like post ST:ID is where they kind of Learn that Bones keeps shit on the down low #Because like. Bones will complain. Unless it's smth that's just affecting him. And then he suddenly keeps it to himself. When he complains #abt that whole fiasco he complains abt Jim dying. Abt Spock almost dying on that planet. About how they all almost died. But he doesn't tal #about how HE almost died from that fucking torpedo almost blowing up on him. Not a word. Jim forgot it had even happened until like. Carol #brings it up in passing. Maybe she has nightmares on the incident. But he realises Bones has just NEVER fucking mentioned it despite him #being the master complainer. That sets off the first alarm bells. And then maybe Uhura asks Jim how Bones is doing bc she knows that Bones #would just say he's fine. But Jim is like ??? Bc why wouldn't Bones be okay. And then she realises that HE HASN'T realised that Bones is th #kind of motherfucker to suffer in silence. and she's like Jim. Jim he literally ran himself to the ground trying to revive you. Jim. Are yo #kidding me have you NOT TALKED ABOUT THAT??? ANY OF IT??? Thus... Jim realises or maybe even Remembers what Bones is like #bc maybe at some point he DID know Bones well enough to know when he's fucking himself over. But all the Bullshit that theyve gone through #and the fact they work in entirely different parts of the ship kind of. Alienated them a bit. And suddenly hes like. Oh. Oh No. Oh FUCK.#because Jesus how the FUCK does he even approach this. But he manages it. And Spock gets in on it too as he slowly gets to know the doctor #And then post-beyond its like. Yeah. All three of them gang up on each other. That includes Spock and Kirk making sure Bones is as Fine as #he always says he is.#anyway. Yeah. I just think Bones probably stresses and overthinks too much but god forbid anyone comfort him. Self sacrificing bastard #wow this is a lot of alphabet soup im so sorry AHAHA

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a-sketchy · 1 year ago

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oh come on, where’s my option to join forces and two team them? or cheer her on from the sidelines even. chie can wreck shit actually i don’t want to deny her that

#didn’t even have enough courage to hold her back i just HAD to step in #this just kinda sucks. it’s moderately Off #there’s just this nasty misogynistic undercurrent here #chie can fight her own battles. i wish i had the option to support her in them instead of taking them for her #this really rubs me the wrong way cause it feels like it’s a step to the left of doing anything interesting #chie’s learning the wrong lesson for this to be an (intentional and purposeful) example of misogyny she faces #and it’s too misogynistic to be ‘fighting isn’t always the answer and you’re not alone anymore’ like it’s trying to do #why is she thanking me i didn’t do shit. if anything i slighted her. this is simply not very good #rambles #p4g posting #this isn’t quite downright rancid but more than anything it’s just not very good writing #everything once she apologizes (which she shouldn’t do) feels like a completely different beat #chie i’m so sorry you’re in persona 4 #i feel like i’m gonna have said that about every teammate

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juliareed · 5 months ago

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youtube

Fandom: Alias Relationships: Sark/Sydney Song: Spiracle by Flower Face Content warnings: Blood, death, violence, spiders, insects, flashing lights

#aliasedit #alias #sydney bristow #julian sark #sark x sydney #ssplus #fanvid #myedit #s/s dares to ask a question #what if your mother created a killing machine and that machine was obsessed with you BECAUSE it's your mother who made him.#like it's a part of his code your mother designed. or not code - but because he learned everything about the world by watching her.#like the only kind of humanity your mother allowed him - the only kind of humanity left after she was done with him - was this.#because it's the only kind of humanity she allowed to herself.#to not ever be completely sure if your mother ever loved you and then learn something like this?#what if your mother's killing machine grew up hearing stories about you.#what if your mother's killing machine looked up to you as a child and wanted to make your mother proud just like you did.#what if your mother's killing machine learned about your existence a full decade before the two of you met.#what if your mother's killing machine was conditioned to love you.#what if your mother on purpose designed her killing machine to be flawed. to have a weakness that shouldn't be there.#from her words all to protect you. and what if one day her plan backfired.#what if one day your mother's killing machine turned against your mother for you. turned against his creator for you.#what if your mother's secret plan worked A LITTLE BIT TOO WELL and she lost control over you both. what then. literally what then!!!!!!!#also i don't think we talk enough about that scene in conscious where in sydney's dream jack turns into sark's father.#what if i dreamed my father was your father. what if you said my mother was like your mother. what exactly does that make us.#and what if we also shared a name. what if a part of me - the part i feared the most - had your name.#while working on this realized also that i want a fic where every day for months sydney sees a ghost of someone sark killed.#it's always someone different. and at some point it starts to feel like it's never going to end.#the ghosts will be right there with her for the rest of her life. as always i just want #some sydney introspection and sydney grappling with the idea that her own mother turned a human being into THIS.#which goes along with facing the fact that it could have been her on his place.

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quarks-pussy · 1 year ago

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Mirror Kira is something that can actually be so personal

#in a number of ways tbh like defo in a gay way and in terms of clone fucker rights and in terms of evil girlbossing etc etc but most of all #most of the mirror characters (to me) feel like au versions of the prime characters and obviously they ARE but they're still very much atta #attached to the prime characters y'know what i mean? like maybe not everyone but most mirror characters do feel like they basically are wha #the prime characters could've been if their lives had been different and like it's not completely out of the question for mirror kira but s #she still feels so... herself. like she's not defined by prime kira on any level. most mirror characters feel very defined by their prime c #counterparts and mirror kira... she's different. she is literally herself and no similarities will change that. she does not exist as an ex #extension of prime kira she is her own separate character. mirror kira could literally exist in the prime universe without even having to b #connected to prime kira by anything other than name and face. file off her serial numbers and you're golden & have a new and extremely comp #compelling villain. she is separate she's herself and nobody else. all the other mirror characters feel like twisted versions of the prime #characters who took a different path at some point. if there's any way to apply this to mirror kira that point would be her birth. like she #genuinely feels like they took a look at the circumstances on bajor in the mirror verse and thought about how a bajoran might grow up there #and THEN they made that bajoran kira. like i'm not saying she's nothing like prime kira but she just feels so much more developed tbh as if #they genuinely wrote out her whole life rather than just its present state y'know. it's great! i adore her #anyway #mirror kira nerys #mirrorverse #star trek deep space nine #ds9 #yes most of the meat of this post is in the tags lmao idek why #original posts fresh from quark's pussy

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itspileofgoodthings · 10 months ago

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Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——

#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her #like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’#she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel #she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love #and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy #so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless #like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now #because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it #just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11 #and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want #so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different #but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy #and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change #like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground #and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does #and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts #wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way #and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her #because she WILL find a way to win #but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL #it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is #because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say #ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her #and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy #of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants #and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands #like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time #and she feels every blow!#whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just #this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!

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puppppppppy · 7 months ago

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started stardew valley for the first time. born to remember villager likes and dislikes forced to immediately forget it the moment i take my eyes off thw wiki

#HELP. HEEEELPP <- THE FORGETTER #i have 18 different tabs open and im pretty sure half of them are duplicates. i have not made anything past 5000G i am so cooked #rn im at summer 11 ish?? i cant remember dates in real life either jesus christ GRIPPING THE COMMUNITY CALENDAR WITH MY BARE HANDS #my ass really went into this like “ill just take it easy and go into it blind so i get the newborn baby deer experience" completely ignoran #to the fact that i get anxious disappointing ppl and not having any background knowledge going into smth new. like a FOOL #also the walking speed is just slow enough to make me space out and forget where i was going and what i needed to do head in my hands #ive had to backtrack all over pelican town so many different times im in fucking adhd hell. resource management hell #im saying this like i hate it but its actually pretty fun and engaging when im not gripping my head trying to remember what i was doing #i got linus' 2 heart event and it made me whimper a little. LINUSSS LINUS I LIKE HIM. AND WILLY AND MARNIE THEYRE SO NICEYS #marnie kinda like.. reminds me of my friends mom even her face is pretty similar. shes sweet i like her. also willy calls me lad hes cool #i think im just gonna start a new save and NOT rely on the fucking mixed seed forages bc my ass was too stubborn to buy seeds #i just got sebastians 2 heart event too ughhh ive never had to work so hard for an emo boys approval. but it was satisfying #corn will fix me. its a replenishable summer-fall crop corn has to fucking fix me PLEASE #i also. made a stardew valley farmer. the one im playing as. their name is cosmo they have a backstory and everything im making #him a ref. his backstory is so fucking funny just wait #yapping #diary #puppy plays sdv

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fardf150 · 7 months ago

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fuck

#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all #bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever #but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then #but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou #s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck #i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked #i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself #fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her #and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it #but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all #im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet #I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands #'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring #you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act #like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even #fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me #i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned

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boyapologist · 8 months ago

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my biggest problem is that whenever someone is unexpectedly rude to me I wonder what I DID WRONG instead of blaming them for being assholes

#I was leaving my building late as hell in full uniform #but my expression was completely neutral #a girl saw me coming and instead of opening the first set of doors and walking in she just stared at me #I'm used to being stared at when I'm in uniform but this felt... different #usually people stare in curiosity but she stared as if she hated me lmao #I do not know this girl #so I waited for her to open it since she was just standing there like a weirdo. and she nearly slammed the door at me???#I don't know if I made a face or something because she nearly hit me with the door #but THEN she said ''good morning'' in a super condescending tone. like mocking #like the 😒 emoji. it's the only way I can describe it. lol #it was such a strange interaction #maybe she just had a hard night at work and I'm reading into it but idk. it felt so rude. she was rude #I don't usually take things as jealousy because there's not much to be jealous about in me #but this felt like it. I don't know how else to describe it. it was just rude #rambles*

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anarkhebringer · 1 year ago

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The fun thing about being mixed is that I can go "white people moment (derogatory)" about a family member and it not include me at all, because the level of white privilege between myself and that family member is completely different

#my mother had another of her White Defender moments after completely going off topic to what we were talking about involving me #I don't put it past her when she said to my face she ''prefers'' the German part of our family though so y'know what #unless they know us personally she and I get mistaken for friends and not family in the store often because we look so different #she's got the blonde hair‚ blue eyes and round features and I have the brown hair‚ brown eyes and strong features #also she's pale as a ghost and even with my paleness I'm instantly clocked as not white because of the undertone #like people don't assume I'm white at first glance as a general rule and never have #anyway TLDR is that I hate white people and she willingly applied herself to the demographic to call me racist against white people #for daring to hate the white woman threatening me and calling me a liar at the therapy place

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robinsnest2111 · 2 months ago

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tfw I find out that some problematic behaviours, thoughts, and urges I experience when in a stressful/triggering situation are actually considered black and white thinking

hmm. interesting. I wasn't aware that that's what I'm doing.

#stuck in ig reels and there are A BUNCH of way too relatable things on there tonight #like the bit about criticism and how the person in the video rejects AND internalises it at the same time #and it's like different versions of her fighting over which feeling wins out in the end and it's a constant struggle #LIKE THAT'S ME THAT'S ME I DO THAT #also with the internalising bit: still stuck on the last serious talk i had with my boss #and whenever i get a reminder of the situation and the issues she brought up i wanna die SO BAD.#like wanna be shot wanna have my throat sliced up wanna get my lights knocked out wanna jump into traffic type of wanna die #and i still have that stupidly persistent feeling of dread whenever i think about work and facing my boss #because i feel so stupid and unworthy and like everyone hates my existence and how i should be fired and killed immediately #over something relatively minor. BUT MY BRAIN IS MAKING IT A BIG ISSUE. EVEN 2 WEEKS LATER.#when will the suicidal feelings over this thing pass lol #like. I've been stuck in this mode ever since the conversation. and idk how to get out #if i don't blast my brain with 3 different types of distraction i remember how awful i am and feel the need to be killed on the spot #forever waiting for the other shoe to drop. i feel like i need to be punished. to be killed. but it's not happening and that has me on edge #Like I NEED TO BE PUNISHED FOR MY SINS. SLAP ME PUNCH ME STAB ME SHOOT ME KILL ME!!!!!!!!!#and the infernal urge to run away change my name and appearance and start new. radical clean slate style #get this urge whenever i make a mistake or someone's unhappy with me and my behaviour etc.#like the urge to completely change myself and become a different person entirely and get as far away from my usual environment as possible #so i can stop harming everyone and everything around me by somply being the stupid flawed callous creature i am #because no matter how hard i try to be authentically me in harmless ways it always ends up backfiring and hurting people #and maybe if i change EVERYTHING about me and try to be so radically opposite of what i am maybe then it'll all be okay for once #not let people close don't interact too much just keep to myself to keep others save idk......

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